Talking to you…grudge 4/25/19

When I feel slighted, unfortunately, I’m notorious for holding grudges. I think, I’ve been holding a grudge against God.

How do you hold a grudge against something you don’t believe exists? Or, is that why, I don’t believe he exits?

No, see, that’s the problem.

I referred to god as a he.

Religion, therefore god, all too human centric for me.

There is so much more to this world than humans.

And of course we would put ourselves at the center of it all.

So self absorbed, I can’t stand it.

But seriously,

How do I let go of a grudge I believe doesn’t even exist?

Maybe that’s my hold up.

The reason I’ve written almost one hundred poems, expressing my pent up grief and grudge against who? What?

I’m mad at something bigger, like the universe.

Yeah, I’m ok with labeling god as the universe.

So, forgive and move on, you say.

I get stuck here.

I feel that when I forgive and move forward, she’ll be left behind.

Nobody talks about her, or ever did. I don’t even know, what she thought was special about me. What did she love about me?

Questions, the answers to, have been long forgotten.

Stuck in a perpetual loop.

But I’m not idle any longer, I’m talking to the universe in my own way, hear my praise to her. My writings are a bundle of love for my mother. This blog, in turn is,

Dear mom,

Blah, blah, blah.

I Endlessly Love You.

And love is messy, not always nice. It’s everything I haven’t been able to say to her, vomited in your lap. Thanks for reading, and I’ll pass down a rag.