At the hardened yet tender age of eleven, I wanted her to die. I wanted it to be over. To be free from her pain, my fears. But, instead, what time has shown me is I desperately wanted her to live. I hesitate to write about this, any of it really. Because I’m afraid I … Continue reading Talking to you…D-Day 7/3/20
Category: talking to you
Talking to you…6/13/20
PARTS AND PIECES The Red Dodge I had to be four, because my mom picked me up from preschool that day. I remember the building: hot paper, glue, ink, and the bold scent of must. My classroom was in the basement of the town’s Parks and Rec center. Other than the smells, I only remember … Continue reading Talking to you…6/13/20
Talking to you…6/9/20
Brain blurp... I’ve been told, I’m living in the past, but I feel I’m more in the present than I have ever been. How in the world is that even possible? I am finally letting myself sit with these feelings, these emotions I’ve carried with me for oh so long, but I’m right here. It’s … Continue reading Talking to you…6/9/20
Talking to you…raindrops 4/30/20
I opened my front door the other day. It was raining. Each drip looked as if it stung the cement landing quickly and bouncing sharply upward breaking into pieces. I stood there for awhile watching. I listened and I smelled. There was absolutely nothing unordinary or special, to make this memory stick. The air didn’t … Continue reading Talking to you…raindrops 4/30/20
Talking to you…Killdeer 3/8/20
I heard a Killdeer this afternoon. I saw a lady bug crawling on my windshield. The breeze huffed through the trees, then died down, and again. I stopped and looked up at the lady bug, once. She was still. I think she was holding on. Of course, she was a she. Duh. And now she’s … Continue reading Talking to you…Killdeer 3/8/20
Talking to you…2/29/20
PARTS AND PIECES Bosom My mom used to call her breasts, bosoms. So of course, I’ve been told I would toddle around the house calling out Buzi buzi buzi buzi When I was hungry. Not sure if this is something I recollect, Or just a memory placed. I’ve always thought it was a funny word. … Continue reading Talking to you…2/29/20
Talking to you…A real big mind fuck 1/30/20
I just realized, yeah that’s right, exactly right now. It’s not about what my mom wants anymore Actually, that should have stopped along time ago I have been trying to be the person I thought she wanted me to be My entire life. I wanted her to be proud I tried to live up to … Continue reading Talking to you…A real big mind fuck 1/30/20
Talking to you…1/15/20
PARTS AND PIECES Boggle As I remember, I was at the kitchen table with the boggle box in front of me. I lifted the lid as the suction held on and slowly released. I had it all set up in no time. My mom and I loved word games, we were going to play. As … Continue reading Talking to you…1/15/20
Talking to you…I Am no writer 1/10/20
I am no writer, but I write. I write and I write, I spill every morsel for something, for some reason, for someone. There is nothing that’s stopping me or making me continue. I’ve tapped into something that makes no sense. But still, I listen, and I do. At this point, organized thoughts bring me … Continue reading Talking to you…I Am no writer 1/10/20
Talking to you…1/8/20
PARTS AND PIECES Our Lake There was a small lake in our backyard. One we would swim in during the summer months. I remember my mom floating and falling asleep under the warm blanket of the sun once. I’m not sure what woke her, but that night she was red. Now that I’ve introduced you … Continue reading Talking to you…1/8/20
Talking to you…Outos Ego 1/3/20
A blogger, who gives so much and asks nothing in return created this video for me. The music chosen was one of her favorites. I cannot thank Outos Ego enough. Missing my mom, and wondering what our relationship might have been like today. CLICK HERE: Short video clip by Outos Ego Thank you, Outos Ego, … Continue reading Talking to you…Outos Ego 1/3/20
Talking to you…My bite 1/3/20
A fellow griever (Nikki Pennington) posted a poem this morning, Miss Me, But Let Me Go by Edgar Albert Guest. I was instantly conflicted. I’m fed up with how I feel, and wish more than anything I could “let it go,” but it’s just NOT that simple for me. At the same time, I know … Continue reading Talking to you…My bite 1/3/20
Talking to you…Today 12/30/19
Today is my mom’s 67th birthday. This is the third year I’ve let myself remember it. This morning, I woke up to my husband asking how old my mom would have been today...to tell you the truth I’m not one hundred percent sure, but 67 is close. So here’s to you mom, I miss you … Continue reading Talking to you…Today 12/30/19
Talking to you…Ocean eyes 12/19/19
When I experience a moment, I must share it. I already loved Alicia Keys, but I know now I'm a fan of Billie Eilish. I felt this moment...they sang the shit out of this song, in the most gentle way. Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish & Alicia Keys I've been watching youFor some timeCan't stop … Continue reading Talking to you…Ocean eyes 12/19/19
Talking to you…Brain Tumor 12/11/19
These thoughts come to you straight from March 10, 2019. Although, I feel them so clearly each and every single day. ^^^ I don’t ever remember you talking to us about it. I was scared to ask about it. It turned into the forbidden fruit, I was not tempted. Or brave. Or I didn’t want … Continue reading Talking to you…Brain Tumor 12/11/19
Talking to you…A wise woman 12/9/19
When holiday traditions bend and fold, change is ever present on the fastly approaching horizon. A woman, was once told by her father, “you just don’t get it.” In which the wise woman replied, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” They soaked in the silence. Then the woman spoke once more, “Maybe, you don’t get … Continue reading Talking to you…A wise woman 12/9/19
Talking to you…12/5/19
Here’s another little ditty I came across. I will never stop learning, that’s one thing I know for sure. Oh, the things I write down when no ones looking. Hope it makes you chuckle a little too... “I’m all for a positive attitude, but it doesn’t work to mask shitty feelings. You have to let … Continue reading Talking to you…12/5/19
Talking to you…parts and pieces 12/4/19
I was looking back through some of my older writings, as one should do from time to time. I do this to see where I was, and how far I’ve come (or haven’t). I found this single blurb, written over a year ago, and I am really feeling the truth of it today. So I … Continue reading Talking to you…parts and pieces 12/4/19
Talking to you…11/15/19
From my discovery of the song, Falling Slowly, I came across the movie “Once”. It’s a love story that is completely ordinary, but out of this world at the same time. Life can feel so mundane unless you choose to see the beauty in the little things even if they only last for a brief … Continue reading Talking to you…11/15/19
Talking to you…Nothing is, as it seems 11/13/19
So, to those of you who have been following along with my Nothing parts 1-5, I have one more verse I’d like to add to finalize the poem. However...I have a favor to ask of each of you first. My daughter drew a sketch (a few months back) that holds the exact feeling visually I … Continue reading Talking to you…Nothing is, as it seems 11/13/19
