Something changed, and I felt it right away. Those words, IT’S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT. The sting jump starting my heart. Choking on the exhaust bellowing from under the hood. I felt it, the choice, given to me in an instant. I can’t sugar coat the depth of the pain those words coming from your mouth displaced on me in that moment, but oh how they have empowered me. I was stuck in a loop of perpetual woe-ing, which I clearly needed to let myself feel. Grief or any trauma, no matter the size, deserves to be heard and you deserve to feel every last ounce of what it has to bring. The praise you afford your trauma somehow allows you to survive, feel human, and connect to something. But there will come a time when the intensity starts to fade, and for a second you question your loyalty to the cause. Don’t worry, it will always be there, but today has been given to you to take a breath and realize, you are still alive. I’m sure, as feelings do, this ebb and flow will return. And when it does, I will accept it in a different light. Because if we do not learn from our experiences, we are robbing ourselves of evolving into our truest self.
My ebb has shifted, and I want to pass along to you, IT’S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT. And I hope your answer is, I know, and you are able to see the freedom in the choice it provides. Or, if you’re not ready, you can be mad at me for being an insensitive jerk. I’m okay with that. If your still stuck, come back and read this after awhile and see if that changes for you.
Until then, know that I hear you. And, I feel the shadow love can create with pain every single day.